J. Grant Swank, Jr.


"Jesus answered them, Do ye now believe?"  John l6:3l


The cross carrier is forever confronted with the dark side's attempt to get doubt into the journey.


Jesus informed His own of His identity--God. They accepted that declaration as eternal mystery. Jesus knew full well that within a short time these same men would have that premise challenged. The Calvary massacre would test their postulate.


However, at the time that they stated that they got His point, Jesus then affirmed that they believed rightly:  However, He did so with a question:  "Do ye now believe?"  In other words, things are all set up properly now; but what will it be from here on out?


So it was with cousin John. Jesus and John had grown up together. Now they were young adults in their early thirties. John had spent his young adult energy in evangelism. Jesus had just begun His messianic ministry.


In such a brief time, John's calling was cut short by being jailed. There he sat in a cell, wondering about the actual identity of cousin Jesus. Was He or wasn't He? Had John been fooled? Had the whole messianic deal been nothing other than an illusion? With a knife close to the neck, there might be an allowance for mental confusion.  So it was that John's certainty began to waver--doubt about Jesus' real self.


Likewise, Jesus knew that the disciples would have their faith in Him put to the pressing point. With heartache, Jesus must have told them what He responded to John:  "Do not be embarrassed by knowing Who I am, believing in Me."


So it is with each cross carrier. There will come the moment when you will be so utterly burdened by the anguish of the timber that you will cry out your own doubt. At that point, do not despair. It is one thing to doubt; it is another to despair.


In other words, back there when life was fairly on keel, you knew Him as God.  To the question: "Do you NOW believe?" you shouted: "YES!"  But right NOW, the knife is close to your neck and you are wobbly. It is frightening. The demons are crawling all over your brain. Nothing is working; life is imploding. NOW do you still believe that Jesus is God Almighty, in charge of all dedications, working every tiny strand for your good and the gospel furtherance?


The cross jaunt does include certain portions in which the carrier is put to the bloody wall along with Jesus on that Thursday night.


"Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me."


And so the Father is with you, too. And the Son. And the Holy Spirit. Somehow find it within your doubt to at least
hold onto all that for in due time you will come to hug all that to your heart with relish. In the meantime, know you are in John's jailhouse company--and good company it is.


Hear Jesus say to you as He said to John:  "Please, don't be offended by being close to Me. Sometimes this trek can get quite dangerous and uncertain to the flesh."