J. Grant Swank, Jr.
I
was in tenth grade. More than anything in the world, I wanted to know
that I abided in the Lord. I needed to know that He was with me.
I
had read testimonies of other Christians who related how near God was
with them. He went with them to work. He directed them in their
decisions. He was a real friend who could be counted upon.
I wanted that kind of relationship with God, too.
Therefore,
to prove to Jesus how serious I was, I set my alarm for 3 o'clock in
the morning. Then I would tip-toe out of my bedroom down the stairs
into the family room. With a small light on, I would kneel by a large
couch. In front of me was my Bible--open.
Alone--in the quiet--I beseeched God to abide within me. I needed to know for certain that He was taking complete
charge of my life.
Night after night, I kept my vigil with the Lord. After an hour, I would return to my bed and fall back to sleep till morning.
During
the school day, I would fast my lunch. While other students went to
the cafeteria, I went to a storage closet on the second floor of our
huge high school. Opening the door, I turned on the light. There was
no chair in that room, just shelves upon shelves filled with supplies.
Retrieving a small New Testament from my pocket, I crouched down alongside a wall, preparing myself to fast and pray for the Lord's abiding presence.
Day after day, I kept faithful to my earnest desire to experience God within.
One day, my math teacher opened the door. Was I surprised!
"What are you doing in here?" she asked sternly.
I knew that I could not lie to her when seeking the fulness of God within. Therefore, I
told her the simple truth.
"I am fasting and praying for the infilling of the Holy Spirit."
With that, she made a U-turn, shut the door and never bothered me again.
After awhile, I became frustrated. I wondered why I had to try so hard to know God in His fullness.
Then
I thought back to some of those saints' testimonies. They were
glorious. They related how God was especially close--there in front of
them, behind them, inside them.
Why was it so difficult for me to come upon that same real awareness?
Then
it was that God spoke to me within my heart. It was without doubt that
God said to me: "I was with you the first night you sought me. Do you
not remember? I was there in that family room. You knew my peace and
power in a very special way."
It was true. Immediately, I recalled how the room that first night seemed to fill
with His holiness. There was a splendor in that space which had come from without. It had to have been the Lord Himself.
It then dawned upon me that I had been seeking others' experiences rather than allowing God to be personal with me.
He had not held me aloof. He had not kept His distance. He had been most faithful--punctual to the nighttime hour.
From
that moment to this, I have thanked God for His abiding presence--heart
to heart. It has been over 50 years since He proved Himself to me in
that remarkable manner.
Now when others ask me how to know
God within, I simply tell them to ask. He will answer if they are
earnest. Time after time, they have returned to tell me that it has
been true with them as it has been with me.
God keeps His word. He has promised to abide within us if we but ask.